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RAIN OR SHINE

Trippin or what?

Well, I have watched this video, like, so many times and cannot make head nor tail of it.

It seems....

Delores has made some nice cookies and the maid has been a bit naughty with the cookie dough (nudge, nudge ) Then, on top of that the gardener's new plants are all being burned in the garden and the smoke is filling the Palace. And if that weren't enough someone's dropped a pill in the cordial!

All in all it's 'high' time at Stoned Court...

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The fairytale panto acid-trip that masquerades as a video for this (almost) chart topper starts with a nice picture frame. Innocent enough until Doris swims into view through the viewer's foggy, watery eyes. What kind of 80's outfit is that she's wearing? It's the Blackadder II costume, isn't it?

Doris morphs into Delroy as if my magic (mushrooms) and he's looking odd too - he's in a Palace Courtier's outfit. The Star take their place as the right royal family of pop it seems.

It goes cloudy again but Lozza materialises wearing some exploded pom pom all down her front. And she's cut her hair short from the last video where she was flashing all around London.

Lozza transforms into Stedders wearing something left over from Doctor Who. Bleedin' Eck, this is playing with my mind already! And we're only four bars in!

The puddle ripples and there is Princess Denny, a vision in white - well, I think she's a vision, this may all be in my mind.

She opens this big 2-D pretend wardrobe and two drawings of a knight in shining armour come racing out. (Another peer coming out of the closet it seems! Sorry, I had to do that - you knew it was coming!) As she closes the paper doors Denny is inside the wardrobe herself - my mind must be playing tricks now.

Now inside a brick window she waves her magic hand and all five of the royal peeps are unveiled in a crypt archway wearing their odd costumes. It seems Buster has been down the local fancy dress hire shop cos Stedders couldn't be bothered to throw together anything this time. They must have had a cheap deal on some Edwardian themed stuff.

Now I know I'm not in full control. Denny sings "From manana to manana. Do I am love you?" . . . ahem, from tomorrow to tomorrow . . . Do I am love you . . . ? Water please...

I also know I am losing it because their choreography isn't perfectly synchronised here. Something's up!

The picture gets more watery and she starts singing about storms and sun. What is this? A weather forecast?

Then it goes almost full out mental. Denny is on stage in a pantomime - in Sarah the Cook's kitchen. Over sized (pointless) pots and all. She seems to be looking for something - her sense?

Lozza and Denny are flashing before my eyes in this watery vision I have. My head is spinning.

Lozza and Doris wander in on Denny's new found panto-kitchen home and have a look about. Is nobody going to point out the absurdity of this?

Delroy and Denny are before my eyes now - will this waving motion never stop?

'Suddenly' Dozza and Lozza spot Denny perched on an over sized cardboard stool. Rumbled, they scoot from the extraordinary place just as Denise manages to project herself onto the entire back wall. She's a clever lass, that one!

But she seems to know it because there's a little tip of the head in defiance of anyone not getting the, erm, plot.

It is definitely all falling apart because as the five of them are back in the crypt they manage to muck up their trademark whirl - 2 of them turn the wrong way! Call in Doris to sort this mess out!

Denny is now in a pantomime forest full of indistinguishable fruits hanging on the trees. Like Eve she pulls one off the branch and turns on the light - which happens to be the sun, of course.

No, wait, Doris has gotten them all back in order now and they manage to turn the same way this time. Well done.

The madness of all this seems to be less worrying, it seems. Or is it me?

Back in the stone window Denny and Stedders are mixing their stories wittering on about Robin Hood and Major Tom (??) while Doris tries to sneak across the shot - they're behind you!

Then Denny is joined in some kind of garden with 2 things which cannot be described (they look like an enormous worm and a fish? Help!). Oh, and Doris and Lozza (who have changed outfits in homage to Denny's whiteness).

This time Stedders stands nonchalantly in the side of the stone window as Dozza and Denny are blurred in the puddled image.

The girls are back in the garden with the indescribables.

Stedders gives up and walks off as Denny utters the immortal "Silk & Steel. That's the way I feel" (Sorry? WTF?!)

Now what's this... Denny is sat at a dining table, pillars all around, lovely view, talking to a Cheshire cat.

Then it's all too weird to even describe.

Oh, go on then..

Lozza and Delroy walk toward each other in the stone window.

Instantly Denny is joined by Stedders at the table, cat missing, and you see Lozza bump into Delroy as they are distracted all too easily by Stedders sitting down - we have never seen Steds sit down before - why now?!

As they bash and bump they magically grow to the size of houses - hundreds of feet tall. In an instant. They must have eaten the "Eat Me" pie - naturally.

There's a bit more window watching (all still through misty, watery eyes) and some formation swaying.

Steds and Del watch a fish jump out of a pond (the biggest fish ever seen, of course - what else do you expect by now?) They try to feed it but frankly it looks like it wants to eat them - it's vicious looking!

Hang on, it must be stupid o'clock - she's back at that wardrobe again. What's inside this time, Denise? Show us!

Why, it's the rest of The Star - how long have they been cooped up in there? They must have cramp by now.

She shuts them back in - will we ever see them again?

Oh yes, in the next shot.

All five do their X Factor sign 18 years ahead of time (arms across the chest in an X) as they launch into the bridge - the bit where everybody always screams and shouts when this is all portrayed live on stage.

"Cut me a heart on a tree and say,

From Me to You".

You ready for this...

Delroy opens the wardrobe - a rain cloud.

Denise opens the wardrobe - a dark hallway.

Stedman opens the wardrobe - a terrace and garden.

Denise opens the wardrobe - an orchard.

Stedman closes the wardrobe.

WHY?

Lots of arm waving to "Rain. Shine. Rain"

And then the absolute genius that is "Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa. Wa"

(Answers on a postcard please....)